Wednesday, February 23, 2011

My brother asked me about my job yesterday. I said I don't want to do it forever.

It's because we're short right now. We go home wondering what we missed, and we remember just before we fall asleep. Sometimes it's little, like forgetting to fill somebody's water. Sometimes it's bigger, and we make a phone call. 

Sundays really are good days at work. There aren't a thousand people in the nurse's station, and the patients are just a little bit sleepier and more content than usual. 

And now, I will tell you something big: my feet hurt, and when my husband touches them, I wish he would not stop ever. 

Can you imagine no pain? Can you? And I just wonder about it, because don't you think pain and joy are relative? I know what my feet feel like after work. And they are swollen. I think I am too young to have swollen feet at the end of the day. And so, when Thomas touches my feet, there is a vast difference. The difference is what makes me know anything. Bad/Good; I don't want to move ever/Please don't stop ever. So, what about a place where there's no contrast? There's just good. Do do you think we'll be desensitized to how great it is? I don't think so, because I think there will be different rules. But it makes you think. Maybe we will not forget what was. 

You know, so many things are relative. Like people think it's cold outside. And it is. But they are miserable because of how cold it is. And I don't think they have any right to be miserable at the cold. They don't know what it's like to have your best mittens not be warm enough or feel the wind through snowpants, or not be able to breathe because the wind chokes you. And it's only cold for such a short time here. 

Someone checked my car and said, "You need a new battery, especially for the winter." I thought that was really strange, because it's not cold here. Cars start in the winter. Maybe two days out of the year, you might have trouble. But everything will be cancelled on that day anyway. 

So the moral of the story is: we don't have anything to complain about ever. Only, we don't know it.

Saturday, February 05, 2011


Our church is still meeting in their living room. And it's a problem, because I have people who need to be there. The conversation came about with one of them, because she is a sweet girl, and she feels too old to be single. She's not, though. "I just haven't found the right guy yet." It's because she's just so sweet, and the man ought to be equally as loving as she is. And a man that's fit for her is found in no other place than stuck on God Himself. 

So I told her that I want her to meet this guy at my church. I have no idea how old he is. I want to ask him. He might not be right for her at all, but he's a real man. Last week, he told us all about how important it is to forget everything you're not doing and focus on the one thing you have the power to do. "The future you needs all of you to be where you are right now, so future you can be where you need to be then." Basically, spend your time in the place where you are. Be all there. 

Well, I'll tell you the truth: I don't care if they hit if off or not. I just want her to come to church with me and know what the men in her past have been missing. I think that she will love this place - the place that our church is going to be. 

We need a building yesterday. 

There's this woman I know who travels all over the world, and she sends me personalized updates about her adventures. She waits on the heart of God before she moves. I don't know anything about that. So this morning, I was reading about waiting on God. And a lot of it is about hoping that God has the ultimate in Himself, and that He's going to show it to you sometime, and believing it so hard that it doesn't matter when it happens. It just will. Like Hebrews 11.  

13 All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth. 14 People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. 15 If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. 16 Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.

It's believing God outside of yourself.

I was talking with one of T's buddies last night. A table full of them, actually. All shaven heads, all ranting. But the funny thing is, they spend a lot of time talking about things that are bigger than they are. One of them said it's all foolishness to wonder what's beyond the universe. "Homosapiens are always looking for the purpose for life," and he went on to say that it shouldn't be necessary. I asked him where he sees himself in that - if he himself can stop looking for purpose. He said he spends a lot of time thinking about that. His mom and dad died before he was twenty. 

Purpose stops there. He can't see Somebody planning it that way. So there can't be Somebody. If there is, he has to hate him.  He said he can't stop looking for the answer, though, and T says that's why he'll get there. He'll find Somebody. 

I think there's another kind of waiting, though, a more daily waiting. Like waiting on God to make my iPod show up. And knowing that it's going to show up at just the perfect time. I guess maybe it's more about letting your relationship with God infiltrate your daily life. Trusting in Him all day long. 

I admit to you, I get itchy with impatience, though. My job is so fast-paced. If I have to wait for something for thirty seconds, it's usually smarter to start something else - even if it means opening a package of crackers so that I can have some calorie intake during the day. It usually means going into the supply closet to get the syringe that I'm going to need to give the med I'm waiting for. Sometimes it means filling up a bucket with ice to make my patient happy. Sometimes it means charting. What I'm saying is that waiting is time wasted at work. So when a nurse is standing behind you at the grocery store, please be gracious to her and have your money ready.