Wednesday, April 18, 2012

I'm there.

I just found out I didn't get into the program I was trying for. I was sitting in church the other day thinking about so many things. Should I have made my essay more beautiful like a cookie-cutter? Should I have put a line in my resume about pursuing oncology certification? Should I have left out that part about how walking with people through what seems a premature death makes me starved for greater knowledge? And I thought about the death I was thinking of when I wrote that part, the death I still feel responsible for in a small part of me untouched by intellect. 

Then I remembered asking Him to intervene for every word of that essay, to sway it one way or another in my mind changing the words on the page, or in their minds changing their decision. I said, "Have it Your way, whether I become a nurse practitioner or not." 

And He said, "Every minute, I'm there. All along the way, for every nuance they didn't like, for every minute of your life, even that day when your patient fell asleep for good, I was there. I am."

He prepares us with each minute for the next, and what is there left to do but completely let go and trust the One who's here? He is.