Resonation with a theory about the same.

Reading Margaret Newman's theory now about Health as Expanding Consciousness…

She talks about how time disappears sometimes.  There are some moments in which exchange happens so deeply between people that time isn't really linear or even important. It's like when you've been with someone for two hours, but it your interaction was so deep that you feel like you've known each other for all of life, and that you'll never stop knowing one another. She calls that expanding consciousness.

This is a common occurrence for me. Even before nursing. And it's part of why I chose this field. I recognized that I could have deep relationships with people in a short amount of time. What field could be better except a field where people are coming to me by the droves?

She calls it "resonance", this exchange of information between two people. She also says that as a nurse, when you walk into a room, you start with the simplest, most obvious thing. And you pursue it. And you assume it's important. You start with that thing, that little thing. But you're after the whole of the person.

I really operate this way.  With other theorists, I kind of inwardly roll my eyes and say, "Yeah, I guess I operate that way." But with her, it's like, "No. Really. I really operate this way." I am always after the whole of a person. And every piece is a window into the whole. It's like a little clue. And these little clues can be so very overwhelmingly informative.

My mom was asking me about a little girl at Awana's. It's strange, the times when you start teaching your mom something. She's been the most influential teacher in my life. And she's asking me for my opinion on something. But this little girl. I just wanted to have some interaction with her, to see her whole. I couldn't see it from my mom's descriptions. I couldn't tell what she was after. I think, deep down, she just wants my mom's love. She wants to resonate with my mom. She wants to cause a little trouble so she can have her. I told my mom, "So what if she wants your attention? Give it to her." Well, there are problems with time and space, then. Because she should be available to all the children, not just one. And what if it recurs? And there are so many questions and obstacles regarding time and space.

But she's after my mom's whole. I tried to encourage my mom to be after her whole too. But I didn't have words for it then. I hope it worked out. I hope they had some moments. And I hope love happened.

"Ultimate consciousness has been equated with love, which embraces all experience equally and unconditionally: pain as well as pleasure, failure as well as success, ugliness as well as beauty, disease as well as nondisease."

-Margaret A. Newman

Dear Baby

We are so excited to see you. 

When you punch or kick my insides, I think about how strong you are becoming. Your dad likes to poke you and see if you poke him back. Usually, you play along and poke him too. 

The first time I thought you might be alive, I was running. One day, I was running, and it was harder than usual. The next day, instead of being easier, it was even harder. The third day, it was even harder, and I thought something might be needing all my energy. Sure enough, you were just beginning to grow all your organs. 

Shortly after that, your daddy was playing bass guitar with some friends at a conference for college students. We told our friends about you, because they were wondering why I kept eating every few minutes and getting sick. Then, Nate, our friend, got you some Hawaiian thin crust pizza, and it tasted great.

We call you Baby for now, but we are thinking a lot about names for you. 

If you are a girl, we think we might name you Kiya Louise. Your daddy is half Sioux. You will be one quarter Sioux. Kiya means "to fly" in Lakota, the Sioux language. Also, Louise means "famous warrior". My mom's middle name is Louise. She is a really special lady to us. She helps us a lot in learning how to be, because she loves God. 

If you are a boy, we think we might name you Eli James. One of your dad's ancestors is named Eli. Eli means "defender of man" in Greek. And your dad's middle name is James. Your dad is a strong and good man. He will be so proud of you as God helps you grow strong and good too. 

I have been eating a lot. Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I think you have grown overnight. At first, I had a hard time eating. But now, you are getting a lot of healthy food - blueberries, vegetables, milk and nuts. And some cookies and rice krispy bars, too. You seem to really like rice krispies. Last week, it seemed like you wanted eggs and sauteed spinach on toast with salt. It tasted really good. I have to be careful not to eat too many sweets. Sometimes, I sit down with some cookies, and before I get up, I have eaten them all. Your dad helps me by hiding the cookies sometimes. Maybe one day, we will hide cookies from you, too, so you can become strong with things like spinach and eggs. 

Your dad and I have both been having funny dreams about you. One time, your dad dreamed that I became a zombie, and then you came and ate me. I had a dream that you were moving so much in my tummy that you kicked and punched your way right out, and suddenly I was holding you! 

We are thinking about you more and more. I think when you get here, it will feel like you have always been part of our family. We'll say, "Welcome, Baby, to our family."